Thief: The Derp Project
by Ninjamuffin13
Summary: There are dark things growing in Equestria. The fate of an age rests squarely on the shoulders of the one mare who wants it least. But, sometimes, to steal victory from the jaws of defeat, it takes a thief...
1. Chapter 1

**1**

As the filly walked through the square, her eyes glided quickly over the vendors and their customers. With a grey coat and blond mane so dirty it might as well have been brown, she was practically invisible to everypony present. This was not without reason.

She walked at what appeared an unhurried pace, weaving in and out of small crowds with a well-practiced ease as she searched. Unfortunately, it seemed as though she'd overstayed her welcome in this particular market, as everypony had a close eye on those around them, and one hoof on their purses.

But then, she laid eye on him, and knew her search was over. He was a brown colt with the mark of an hourglass on his flank and the spikiest mane she'd ever seen. He seemed indifferent to the ponies around him, and they in turn seemed to not even notice his existence. A perfect target.

She trailed him for a few minutes, slowly growing closer. All the time, not one pony glanced his way or acknowledged him. Finally, when she was near enough, and brave enough, she reached out to his saddlebag and...

"What's this, a thief?" Before she could blink, her hoof was trapped between two of his own.

"A- ah! Help! Somepony help!" She called out to the people around them. It wouldn't be the first time she'd made an escape by pretending she was being accosted. However, no pony turned at her voice, or batted an eye at her struggles.

"You have quite the raw talent, little pick pocket." Her would-be mark told her. "It's no easy feat to observe a Watcher, especially one who does not wish to be observed."

* * *

><p>Ponyville Library. Not my usual choice, for business or pleasure, but I go where the bits are. And tonight? Well, according to my client, they're right under the nose of one Twilight Sparkle, in the form of a rare book shipped in all the way from Canterlot. Twilight is a bit of a mad genius, from what I've heard. Personal student of Celestia herself, almost unparallelled in the magical arts, and, more recently, a social butterfly. She's taken up residence in the library as she performs research on, of all things, 'The Magic of Friendship'. She's more likely to give me a lecture on economics than to fry me with some Unicorn spell, but I'm more worried about word getting back to her mentor. Last pony to cross Celestia ended up getting sealed inside the moon for a thousand years, and that was her own sister. I don't want to think about what she might do to me. Still, security should be pretty lax; in a small town like this, they've barely even heard of the concept of stealing, let alone of somepony making a living off of it.<p>

The only thing I really need to watch out for is Sparkle's pet dragon, Spike. He should be asleep this late at night, but my casing of the building revealed that he has a penchant for late-night snacks. Not only that, but his buddy Owlowicious will be on watch. The bird isn't much trouble alone, but if he alerts Spike and Twilight, I'm as good as moon-banished. If it _does_ come down to a fight, though, I've got a few trinkets from the good Doctor that should give me enough of an edge to escape with the book.

Heh, never thought I'd be contemplating going hoof to toe with a dragon, even a baby one. But, hey, momma's gotta buy her Dinky a set of texts for school, and one old book for a bunch of new ones seems like a fair enough trade to me.

The library is a wonder of Earth Pony and Unicorn magics: A gigantic, hollowed out, _living_ tree. As a Pegasus, I couldn't tell you the first thing about how it manages to work, but it's a real one of a kind building. Word is, it's older than Ponyville itself. That it was a Lunarite stronghold back when the Everfree Forest covered the whole valley. If that's the case, there might still be a few Lunarite treasures hidden away for me to pilfer.

There are at least four levels to the library, maybe more. The base level and the one directly above it make up the actual library. Nothing there for me but publicly available reference guides and cheap clop novels masquerading as literature. Oh, and the Owl. The top level is where Twilight and Spike's personal quarters are, and it's the most likely place to find my target. As for the basement, I'll be avoiding going down there if I can. I've heard talk about the strange machines Twilight keeps down there and I'd like to keep away from them if at all possible. There's a reason I called her a 'mad' genius.

* * *

><p>The sun has been going down early ever since this year's Summer Sun Celebration, probably Celestia's way of welcoming her sister back to Equestria. Fine with me; a longer night just means I have more time to work. At sunset, I kissed Dinky goodnight and double-checked my gear. Two hours later, my daughter was sleeping soundly, cuddled up with Ms. Sweetie, and the Doctor arrived to look after everything while I was out.<p>

Doctor Whoof and I have been friends a long time. He's a Watcher. Anyone who knows about my history with the Watchers might think those two facts contradict each other, but they don't. He's always been on my side, even when he had to stand against the rest of the Watchers to be there, and I'll always be grateful for everything he's done for Dinky and me.

"Watch yourself out there." He told me as I left. Sometimes, I can't tell if he's making a joke or being sincere. I closed the door without answering.

Ponyville was founded by Earth Ponies, and the town still holds strong to its roots. This is particularly good for me, as it means most everypony stays indoors at night, even if they're not in bed. As for those who do venture out... Well, they're easy enough to avoid when you have wings.

Sugarcube Corner just so happened to be between my home and the library, so I decided to slip in for a little snack. Sure, it's not like a couldn't afford to just buy some muffins legitimately, but I still hadn't forgiven Pinkamena for the whole 'baked bads' fiasco, which left half the town ill, myself included. I slid open a window, it wasn't even locked, to the kitchen and eased inside silently.

Mr. and Mrs. Cake had already left for the night, which just left Pinkamena herself for me to deal with. She was in the front room of the bakery, sweeping up the remains of a party and singing a song _about_ sweeping up the remains of a party, I could see through the open door. I had to do this quick.

Now, I could have simply crept my way to the storeroom and not risked being seen at all. I happen to know that the Cakes put all the day-olds in a big box in there to give to Fluttershy and all her animal friends. However, I also happen to know that Pinkamena likes muffins almost as much as she like cupcakes and, like I said, she still didn't have my forgiveness. What better way to get back at her for bad muffins than by taking good ones? Especially ones she planned on eating herself?

I slipped into the room and ducked behind the counter as the pink pony sang and twirled about, not so much cleaning as stirring up clouds of dust. Three rather delectable-looking muffins sat on a plate further down the counter, a bottle of hot sauce standing next to them. Luckily for me, it looked like she hadn't doused them with it yet.

I slid as quietly as possible along the counter, coming to a stop next to the glass window built into it. The windowed section was between me and my muffins. I lowered myself to my the floor and crawled past. Now was the tricky part.

Any thief will tell you that timing is everything. Timing your steps to those of a patrolling guard so he can't hear you coming over his own hoofsteps, timing your arrival in a building for when security is loosest, or just timing your swiping so that the nearby ponies don't notice what you've taken until you're long gone.

That last one is the most difficult. Ponies can be unpredictable, especially late at night, when their nerves get frayed and their senses start to play tricks on them. More than once, I've nearly been caught by unlucky timing and circumstance causing a pony to coincidentally glance my way right when I needed them to be looking anywhere else. The trick is to find the patterns.

Everypony, even ones as chaotic as Pinkamena, have a pattern to what they do. You just need to wait and watch and, most importantly, remember. Rarity brushes her mane for twenty minutes every night before bed. Once Mayor Mare enters her study for the night, she will not come out until morning. Octavia takes five minutes to say her nightly prayers.

And Pinkamena Diane Pie closes her eyes on the long notes.

The muffins were in my saddlebag and I was climbing back out the kitchen window before the start of the next stanza. As I ghosted away from the bakery, I heard Pinkamena's alarmed voice.

"Hey, what happened to my super-delicious pre-bedtime muffins?"

* * *

><p>If you happen to be an Earth Pony or Unicorn, the library has only one entrance, the front door. It opens up to the street, without so much as a bush for cover. Plus, from the inside, it's nearly impossible not to notice when it opens. Luckily for me, a Pegasus has a few more choices available. Not only are there a great many windows that would easily allow me access, but there's also a balcony at the top level and a trap-door on the roof for stargazing.<p>

My plan, as I wiped muffin crumbs from my lips, was to enter from the roof. I figured that it wasn't likely to be locked, considering its location, and it was the most out of the way entrance. From there, I would head down to Twilight's room and snoop around for the book and anything else that might catch me a few bits, then make my exit by way of the balcony. Short, fast, safe, and profitable.

Another thing any thief can tell you: Things rarely go according to plan.

My first surprise of the job was a pleasant one. Usually, this late at night, Twilight and the Owl would still be burning the midnight oil in the library proper. Tonight, however, the only light on in the building came from the third floor, spilling out onto the balcony. I could just make out the sound of a voice and, curious, I alighted on the branch directly below the balcony and listened carefully.

"Really, it's fine Owlowiscious." It was Twilight. "Pinkie's party really took it out of me; I'm just going to turn in early tonight. You go on, now. I know you've been meaning to spend some time with that lady-owl friend of yours."

"Who?"

"You know, the one with the- Oh, right. Very funny." She yawned. "I'll see you in the morning."

There was an answering hoot, a rustle of feathers, and the library was suddenly short one night watch-owl. A few moments after that, the light vanished and I heard Twilight and Spike exchanging goodnights.

I waited about an hour on the branch, listening to the quiet buzz of the large beehive that hung from it. When I was sure the pair inside had drifted off to sleep and the owl wasn't planning on returning immediately, I flapped my wings and flew up to the balcony. Like I'd suspected, they hadn't bothered to lock it. I slipped inside and used my wings to silently lower myself down to the floor.

Twilight's room wasn't much different from the rest of the library, in the sense that there were bookshelves all along the walls. A modestly-sized vanity occupied the one space along the wall that wasn't more books. Twilight's bed sat perfectly centered in the middle of the room, Spike sleeping in a small basket next to it. I could just make out the rise and fall of his spines as he snored. Hey, doing this kind of thing for as long as I have gives you some pretty wicked night vision.

I crept over to the vanity first, using the mirror to keep an eye on the resting residents as I searched for the book. No go. There was a nice brush sitting there, but it had more personal value than commercial. I did find one thing of use, though. A letter, from none other than Princess Celestia herself. I skimmed it, you'd be surprised how often these things lead to loot, and one passage stood out to me.

_However, I'm afraid that, despite all my abilities, even I cannot cure the hiccups. I applaud your prudence in moving your more valuable books to the basement and suggest you keep them there until Spike's flame is under control again. In the future, perhaps it might be a wise idea to keep a better control over the quantity, and speed, of his gem consumption. I do enjoy hearing from you, but twenty-three scrolls in one afternoon is a bit more than expected. _

And that was my second, and far less pleasant, surprise of the job. So much for avoiding the basement. I heaved a mental sigh, because I'm too much of a professional to be making sounds when somepony is around to hear it, and tiptoed my way over to the stairs. The sleeping duo didn't even stir.

I made a quick check of the two main floors, since I was passing through them anyway. Aside from some quills, ink, and blank parchment, the library held just what I already expected to be there, with no valuables in sight. Shame. I followed the signs to the basement door and went down the steps beyond.

The basement was... well, let's just say that the stories I'd heard hardly did it justice. I couldn't make heads or tails of the big machine in the center, but it looked impressive enough. Blinking lights, whirring motors, leg clamps, the works. It also had a large scroll attached to it, and what looked like a needle with ink on it. No doubt it did something uncomfortable and pointless. A true Celestian, that Twilight.

There were a few smaller machines about, but nothing that looked useful or expensive or, thankfully, active. I snooped around, and quickly found my target sitting on a small table, along with a few other books. _Unfettered__ Growth:__ A__ Study__ of__ Plant__ Life__ in__ the __Everfree__ Forest._ Over three hundred years old and worth more than two bits for every one of 'em. I wrapped it with a cloth and put it in my saddlebag.

I glanced at the other books, but they didn't appear too promising. A first edition _Shetland__ Holmes_ that was missing the first two pages, an ancient dictionary_,_an out of date atlas, and... hello, what's this? _The__ Elements __of __Harmony:__ A __Reference __Guide_. Now, what would a new-looking reference guide be doing down here with these old books? I flipped it open, and found my third surprise.

The old hide your shinies in the false book trick. Five necklaces and one tiara, all made of extremely high-quality gold and gemstones. Jackpot. If I could find a buyer, I wouldn't need to so much as pick a pocket for at least two months. I decided right then to show one of the necklaces to my fence as soon as possible.

I took the jewelry, left the empty guide, and skedaddled from the basement. Then, I unlocked the front door from the inside and waltzed right out. Well, waltzed right out after carefully making sure no one was around to see my waltzing. My head was held high and my mind was already filling with all the things I would do once I sold the jewels.

It was a good night.

The Doctor was gone when I returned home, though that wasn't unusual. He tended to split just minutes before I would show up, no matter how short or long my job was. Watchers really love flaunting the whole 'dark, mysterious, and all-seeing' thing. One of the reasons I left.

I hid away the night's haul in my safe room, before checking in on Dinky. My beautiful foal was still sleeping peacefully, blissfully unaware of the world beyond her dreams. Good. If she were to never need to find out what her mother does at night to support her, I could die happy.

Tomorrow night, I would meet with my client for delivery and payment, as well as visit my fence and show him one of the necklaces, but now it was time for bed. I still had to go to work in the morning, after all.

* * *

><p>"Momma?" Dinky's tiny voice, not to mention her constant poking, woke me from a dreamless slumber. "You awake yet?" Well, I certainly was now. I blinked sleepily at her, before holding out my forelegs. She climbed up onto my bed a snuggled up next to me, closing her eyes against the early-morning sunlight streaming through my window and colouring my room golden orange.<p>

Wait, sunlight? I lifted my head up to look about and confirm. Yep, I'd slept through the sunrise. _Horsefeathers._ I let my head flop back onto my pillow with a groan, before dragging myself into a sitting position, Dinky rising with me.

"Commiserate parlance, Muffin." I told her. Go get ready for school. I try to avoid talking in public, what with my rather obvious speech problem, but Dinky understands me well enough that I don't bother with the mute routine at home. "Oneself prelate muffins." I'll make breakfast. Years ago, I was receiving therapy to help me speak correctly, but I had to drop it due to my chronic lack of funds. Because of it, muffin is one of the few words I can easily say on demand and, for that reason, I tend to use it a lot.

"Awwwww," Dinky whined. "Do I hafta go?" She looked up at me with the most pitiful look she could muster. I focused carefully on my response.

"Little fillies must school." I managed, with some difficulty. "School potent." Forcing the right words out, simple and unstructured as they were, hurt both my throat and my head, but there are things that I will not leave open to interpretation. I wasn't going to have my Dinky following in my hoofsteps.

"Yes, momma." She sighed, rolling off the bed and oozing out of the room the way that only a depressed foal can. I gave myself about thirty seconds of exhausted slumping on my bed, then forced myself to get up and moving.

Breakfast was, as it always was when I hadn't recently raided Carrot Top's fridge, a simple affair. We each got one of the muffins I'd restrained myself from eating the previous night, along with some of the perkier-looking flowers that grew near the house. It's not much, but Dinky is still small enough that she doesn't need all that much to fill her up yet and I can always stand to lose a pound or two. Dinky was happy with it, at least, munching away as I brushed her blond mane.

I sent her off to gather her schoolbag as I inhaled my breakfast and tried to shake some of the tangles out of my mane. It didn't really work, but at least it was out of my eyes. Dinky returned, ready for kindergarten, and I ushered her out the door. Locking up took longer than I could really afford today, but, considering my night job, I've learned to never take security lightly. Dinky has never really questioned it, thank whichever deity it is who watches over thieving mares.

"Advantageous!" I commanded, scooping up Dinky and flapping towards Ponyville's only school building. I was late, which meant Dinky was late, which was something I really couldn't stand. I brought her in, hugged her goodbye, and was back out the door and in the sky before Cheerilee could ask any questions.

I booked it to the post office as fast as my wings could carry me. If I was lucky, no one had noticed yet how late I was.

"Oh, hey Ditz." Carrot Top greeted me, exiting the very building I was entering. "You oversleep again?" I nodded, trying to rush past her in what was probably quite the rude manner. "Filly, you gotta do something about those nightmares of yours." She told me concernedly. "I'm starting to worry about your health, y'know?" It was a testament to our friendship that Carrot Top wasn't offended when I simply pushed past her without answering. She's seen me this late before, after all. "After you're off for the day, come by my house." She called after me. "My fridge is getting too full for it's own good!"

I dashed to my station and began to sort letters as quickly as I could. After a few mishaps that aren't worth recounting, the boss has stopped trusting me with anything but standard letters or light parcels that couldn't harm anypony if dropped. It's not that I'm clumsy, I just space out sometimes if I run across some that reminds me of... Well, let's just say that my speech wasn't the only thing I was taking therapy for and leave it at that.

Postmaster Double Stamped gave me a look as he walked by, but, luckily, he seemed to be willing to let my tardiness slide. This time. Ponyville isn't a huge place, so I was able to sort through my workload quickly and set out on deliveries without being too behind. It's not a great job, but it's what I can get without being able to talk to other ponies. At least it allows Dinky and me to have a table, even if it doesn't pay enough to put any food on it.

My deliveries took me all around town, as they usually do. The price for not delivering any fragile or heavy or large packages was carrying almost twice the standard mail of any other employee of the post office. I don't terribly mind, since I'm paid by the hour contrasted with the volume of my load. That is to say, the faster I deliver more letters, the better my pay. And I can fly _very_ fast.

The library never has any deliveries, since Twilight does all her mailing via magic flame, but I did pass by when dropping off some letters to Quills and Sofas. Even from the outside, I could hear the sounds of Twilight frantically searching for her stolen property. I was a little surprised at how worked up she sounded, and briefly wondered if she was more upset by the missing jewelry or the missing book. Knowing her, probably the book. Eh, she'd be fine; not like Celestia would banish her prized pupil over some old book about plants.

After my rounds, I headed towards Carrot Top's house, stopping by the school to wave through the window at Dinky. She seemed a little embarrassed to have her mom making a scene in front of her friends, but, hey, there are worse things in the world than a mother who loves you and isn't afraid to show it. She waved back, and I continued on my way.

Carrot Top is one of the only ponies I know very well in Ponyville. She hasn't known me as long as the Doctor, since I met him way back when I was living in Manehatten, but she was the first pony I met here. She's also one of the only ponies in town I've never thought about stealing from. I'd like to say it's because she's my friend, but it's probably more because she gives me free access to her food. Yeah, I'm a pretty terrible pony.

"Ditzy, round back!" She called when I knocked on her door. She was back in her garden. If the carrot cutie mark wasn't enough to tip you off, one look at her garden is all it would take to convince you of Carrot Top's call in life. She's more than good enough to go and work in Celestia's royal gardens, I can tell you that much. Not like most of her carrots didn't get shipped to Canterlot anyway. I walked around the back.

"Filly," She told me when I came into her view. "You've gotta challenge that Rainbow Dash to a race one of these days, knock her down a peg or two." She said, carefully pulling a weed out of her carrot patch.

I raised an eyebrow at her. I'm fast, but no pony is Rainbow Dash fast.

"I have been asking the weather team for _three__days_ to give me a little rain on my garden!" She explained, a touch angrily. "And they told me that today Rainbow Dash would bring in a cloud and give my carrots a good soak. And when I got home earlier and saw that they were _still_ dry, I went and found that lazy filly myself and you know what she said when I asked her about the rain? 'I'll get to it later,' that's what she said! My carrots need rain _now_ and that blue meanie has the nerve to-"

_Crack_

There was a small snap of lightning as I kicked the little black cloud I'd pulled down while Carrot Top was ranting. She squealed and ducked out of the way of the sudden downpour. It only took a few moments for the cloud to empty, fading back to white, giving her garden a much-needed drink. It certainly wasn't all the rain her plants needed, but it would hold them over until Dash got around to soaking them properly.

I shot Carrot Top a smirk and tossed the cloud back to the skies.

"...Huh." She blinked at me. "I forgot you could do that." In an instant, her annoyance pulled a 180. "Filly, you come inside right this instant; you and me have mags to read and a carrot cake that's got our names all over it!"

* * *

><p>A day wherein I can pig out on cake while reading ridiculous gossip magazines with CT is a good day in my book. The fact that she gave me the leftovers and a whole lot more to take home to Dinky never hurts, either.<p>

Still, before too long, it was time for me to leave. I packed the food Carrot had quite easily persuaded me to take home into my saddlebag, said a silent goodbye, and headed back to the school to pick up Dinky. Given how much I had eaten, I wasn't keen on flying at the moment and decided I could stand to walk instead. I still had plenty of time to get there, anyway, so there wasn't any reason I couldn't.

"Halt, thief!" Freezing up at those words was an amateur move. A stupid one, too. What you're supposed to do is raise one hoof to your bag while turning to the direction of the shout. Luckily, the, ah, 'forces of justice' were too inexperienced to realize my blunder. I finally turned, and found myself staring at three young fillies; a white Unicorn, an orange Pegasus, and a yellow Earth Pony.

"Applebloom!" Before I was even entirely sure what was going on, I was saved by the arrival of Applejack, proprietor of Apple Acres and big sister to one of my accusers. "Just what do y'all think ya're doing?"

"Catching thieves!" One of the little ponies, the one with the white coat, answered. "Don't worry, we'll get Twilight's book in no time!"

"Y'all are gonna be catchin' a hard time out if'n ya keep chasin' down random ponies and callin' 'em theives." She looked up from them, to me. "Ah'm terribly sorry 'bout this, ma'am. These three get so carried away, they don't hardly know what they're doin' half the time."

"Of course we do!" The Pegasus proclaimed. "We're..." What came next was a deafening chorus by all three fillies, like some prepubescent voice of the legion.

"CUTIE MARK CRUSADER THEIF CATCHERS!" Ow. I've never been more grateful that my Dinky is so soft spoken than I was in that moment. Applejack wasn't impressed.

"Gonna be Cutie Mark library cleaners in a few minutes. Honestly, what did y'all think you were doing tearin' the place up like that?"

"We was lookin' fer clues!" Applebloom responded happily, before turning serious. "And now we gotta find the thief!"

"No," Her big sister said firmly. "What y'all gotta do is apologize to this here pony for your wild accusations. Now." The three spent a moment trying to withstand her glare, but buckled as one and turned to me.

"Sorry." They mumbled in a much more subdued version of their creepy legion voice.

"Won't happen again." The unicorn added.

"Good." Applejack nodded. "Now get yer flanks back to Twilight's and start cleanin' up the mess you made." The defeated trio trudged back the way they had come under Applejack's watchful eye, before she turned back to me. "Sorry again." She offered, turning and heading after the Crusaders.

Perhaps it was fate, or maybe just nerves, but I knew right then that taking the jewels had been a horrible mistake.

I had to get rid of them.


	2. Chapter 2

**2**

This place was unnatural. Life here was wild and unpredictable, creatures tearing into each other in a deadly hunger as the forest itself devoured the unwary. There was no nurturing of sprouts or pups; the weak were crushed by the strong. There was no toil to change the weather; the air shifted itself as though alive, bringing thunder or whipping winds as it willed.

This place had no need for ponies. It cared not for their guidance. Such an attempt at control would only anger it, turning it to destroy any who would try. To exist here, one had to submit to the authority of the wilds, to accept the untameable nature of the cycle of death and life. To embrace the chaos of a free life.

One did not live in this place, they survived. By tooth and claw, by hoof and mane, by wits and cunning. One had to be ruthless and strong. In tune with the struggle of breathing for a few more moments. One had to be an animal, and more. They had to adapt and grow, as malleable as clay and as indomitable as the mountains. To survive this place, one had to become one with the forest itself. As natural as earth, stars, and moon.

This place was the Everfree Forest, and something dark was stirring deep within.

Shadows drifted into the clearing, the full light of the moon revealing their equine features. They carried with them the objects that had carried their kind through one thousand years of confusion and waiting. To one, an aged book. To one, a jagged blade. To one, a totem of skull and bone. To one, a willingly given life.

The words were read. The edge tasted flesh. The staff grew one bone longer. The life was ended.

The survivors watched, enraptured, as the seed accepted the sacrifice. They watched as the death gave way to birth. They watched as the grass grew shriveled and black. They watched as the air grew thin. They watched as the thing that would end the light emerged into the world.

And they cried out in victory.

* * *

><p>The first thing I did that night was head for my fence, Golden Bloom, with one of the necklaces. He's a yellow Earth Pony whose permanently frizzled mane has gone grey long before its time, in no small part due to the fact that he's usually a nervous wreck. He normally wouldn't be my first choice of... associates, but I have to take what I can get in a town this small. And, to be fair, he knows his loot.<p>

"Hey, if it, ah, if it _isn't_ my favorite filly in, ah, town." He greeted me as I entered the little shack he likes to pretend is worthy of being called a shop. "Got something, ah, s-something good for me?" He stuttered near-constantly, and twitched like Pinkamena's tail before a hail storm, but that wasn't unusual for him. Sometimes, I wonder what he could possibly manage for a day job, but I'm not sure I want to know.

I pulled the necklace from my bag and carefully placed it on the table. His twitch dropped instantly.

"Whoa, now this is a little more high-end than I usually see around here..." He lifted it just as carefully as I'd set it down, tilting it this way and that to catch the candlelight. "Materials are... wow, if this gold isn't totally free of impurities, it's doing a great imitation." He set it back down and strapped his eyepiece to his head, studying the inlaid gems carefully. "The gems are... oh." He twitched.

I frowned, snorting just loud enough to get his attention. He looked up at me with a panicked expression, before peering back at the necklace.

"These gemstones," He twitched again. "They're, ah, _higher_ quality than any-anything I've ever, ah, e-ever examined. And from the, ah, way that they're cut and set..." He swallowed, pulling off the eyepiece and avoiding my gaze. "Well, they're _perfect_."

I raised my eyebrow. Why did he say that like it was a bad thing? He knew just what I was getting at.

"I'm saying that this necklace, ah, doesn't have any flaws." Twitch. "At, ah, at all. I've seen some amazing _work_ before, but, ah, no-no pony does work like this. It would take some serious, ah, _magic_ to make something like, ah, like this." Twitch. "Like, _Alicorn-level_ magic."

Oh. Oh my.

"Yeah." He pushed the necklace back towards me. "I can't, ah, _take_ this. Way too, ah, way too hot for me. You'll need to _find_, ah, some, ah, somepony else."

Somepony else? And just who was going to knowingly take property belonging to the Princesses? No way I'd find a fence dumb enough to miss the quality of the jewelry, and security at the library would be way too tight for me to slip in and return them. An anonymous drop-off might be feasible, but, by this point, Celestia herself could be watching the place to get her baubles back. I wasn't going to risk that, no way.

"Ah," Golden Bloom withered under my glare. "You _could_ get them, ah, disassembled. There aren't many jewelers with the, ah, the skill to take it, ah, t-take it apart, and even fewer who would be willing to, but I know a mare who _might_, ah, might do it."

He relaxed marginally as I took the necklace and stowed it away.

"Her name's, ah, Hoofmeister." He told me. "She used to operate out of Cloudsdale, big _demand_ for, ah, gemstones up, ah, up there, but she retired last _year_ to Appleloosa. Likes, ah, the frontier scene, I-I guess. She's always looking for a, ah, challenge, and I don't _think_ she could, ah, resist something like that necklace."

Ok. I could work with that. Abort panic mode. I threw Golden Bloom a grateful look.

"Hey, ah, just _remember _that you never brought that, ah, that thing in here. I never saw it, or, ah, touched it, or even _knew_ it, ah, that it existed."

Fair enough. I traded a couple trinkets I'd lifted while delivering the mail that morning for some scrolls that would be of use to me and left the shack.

* * *

><p>My second stop of the night was much less upsetting and a whole lot more profitable. My client was good to his word, and far too trusting, leaving my fee in a hidden box beneath the stone bridge to the south of the pavilion in town square. I took the bits and left the book in their place. A smooth, faceless transaction, my favorite.<p>

Most of my newly acquired bits were already spoken for, a new set of school texts already lined up for purchase. I had been hoping to put the rest into a little something for myself, a trip to the groomer's or something, but my own thieving abilities had forced me into the costly state of needing a train ticket to Appleloosa.

Which meant I needed to find myself some more work.

Back in Manehatten, finding work was as easy as picking a lock on any random warehouse and making off with the owner's shipments, or slipping into a crowd and pilfering the purses from a few business ponies. Unfortunately, that doesn't work in a place like Ponyville. There simply weren't enough ponies around for anypony to be considered completely anonymous, and pickings were slim to none anyway. A high-risk, low-profit market, that's how a thief sees Ponyville.

That is, of course, what commissions are for. Word travels very quickly out here, which makes it easy to find out when somepony could benefit from my talents. And, in fact, I just happened to know of one such needy pony.

The prospective client, according to rumor, had gotten himself into a spot of difficulty with his sister. Word was, a high-stakes wager had been entered into, and he was on the losing side. That's where I come in. I wrote him a note, detailing my knowledge of the bet and my ability to tip the tables in his favor, which I slipped into his bedroom through the window. Like I said, it's pretty much impossible to be anonymous in a town this size, so I can't risk meeting face to face with any client. Jobs through notes, payments and deliveries through dead drops, and never the ponies shall meet.

At least, that's how it's supposed to go. I had expected my prospective client to be asleep and stay that way. It was late, the lights were off, and I know how to be quiet. As such, I wasn't in any great hurry to vacate the premises. I took the time to stroll amongst the apple trees, looking for any that might be particularly tasty before I left. I'd grab a few to take home, get a decent night's sleep for once, and check out the drop point I'd specified tomorrow night, to see if the prospective client had decided to enlist my services.

Imagine my surprise when I heard the sound of hooves coming up behind me. That's what I get for being careless. Immediately, I pressed myself into the shadows at the base of one of the trees, silently cursing the brightness of the full moon. If he kept some small amount of distance,he wouldn't be able to see me as more than a silhouette, but I couldn't try to escape without risking exposure.

"Sweet Apple Acres is closed at night." He drawled, the red of his coat almost glowingly bright in the moonlight. The note I had left him was tucked securely under the massive yoke he always wore. "But Ah suppose that don't matter much t' you." He stopped just at the edge of the tree's shadow, his half-lidded eyes narrowed slightly.

I didn't answer, of course. Even if I didn't care about letting him hear my all-too distinctive voice, which he could use to identify me later, it's not like he'd understand anything I said. Instead, I just stared at him. It was doubtful I could intimidate the stallion, but I was hoping it might throw him off enough to give me an opening to escape. Unfortunately for me, the silent treatment didn't seem to bother him in the slightest. Probably a result of years spent dealing with stubborn little sisters.

"How about you come on out and we talk about this like grown ponies?"

I snorted and shook my head. How dumb did he think I was? Not that I doubted his intentions, he _was_ a member of the Apple family, but letting him get a good look at me? No thanks.

"Awlright," He said patiently. "Let's just talk, then."

I made a show of standing up on my hind legs and leaning against the tree, waving one hoof for him to go on. Who knows, maybe I could salvage a job out of this after all. Plus, the longer he talked, the better my chances.

"Uh..." And it was then I realized that he hadn't noticed he was talking to a _lady_ silhouette until he'd caught the shape of my profile. I cocked my hip out to the side, which made his eyes widen a little bit. Hey, whatever keeps the big guy off guard. To his credit, he didn't take more than a moment to snap out of it. "Ah'll just be straightforward about it: Ah know you're the thief who robbed the library."

See, now this is what I mean about small towns being nightmares of exposure. When you're the only thief around, it doesn't take much of a genius for anypony to put two and two together and figure out who's been stealing their things. And if you happen to be stupid and desperate enough to offer your services to one of the most honest ponies in all Equestria, well, that doesn't exactly help you stay out of jail either.

"Ah want t' help you." Blah blah, stealing is wrong, you're not going to get away with- Wait, what? I nearly toppled right to the ground, just barely managing to catch myself against the tree. "Way Ah figure it, nopony resorts t' thievery unless they got no other choice. Whatever yer troubles are, all ya need is the help of a good friend t' get you through 'em and you'll have no need t' be takin' other ponies' livelihoods." Anything bad I ever said about Ponyville, I now retract. I could work with this.

I got back down on four hooves and cocked my head to show I was listening.

"Still not talkin', huh?" He smiled slightly. "Ah can understand that ya might be uncertain about this, so I won't push ya on it. Let's just start with a proper introduction. Ah'm Big Macintosh." He held a hoof up, reaching into the shadows. After a brief moment, I lifted my own leg and tapped our hooves together. He seemed quite pleased. "Now then, what should Ah call you?"

Now, there was a question I could answer. I've been doing the voiceless routine for a long time, and it didn't take long for me to get tired of the multitude of nicknames that various fences and thieves came up with for me. Greycoat, Bubbles, Bright Eyes, Sunmane... All too descriptive for my liking. Besides, Bubbles was a terrible thief name. So, I'd taken to carrying around a certain stone. A trademark, if you will. I pulled the gem from my bag and tossed it to him.

"What's this now?" He fumbled with it for a moment, squinting in the moonlight. "A ruby? No, wait, it's one of them... ah, what do ya call 'em?" He frowned, tilting the gem this way and that. "A Garnish? Garret? Oh, that's right, a Garnet!" He nodded to himself, tossing it back to me. "'s a good enough name as any. So, Garnet, how'd you like to earn some honest bits?"

Hmm, honesty... Not a concept I've had a lot of practice with. But, hey, any bits are good bits, especially when getting them runs zero risk of getting me arrested. Not to mention the fact that Big Mac wouldn't be turning me in to the authorities so long as he thought was turning me towards becoming a law-abiding citizen. Good luck with that one, Mac. I gave him an exaggerated nod.

"Well, awlright then." He nodded back, smiling. "It may hurt mah pride t' say this, but Ah'm not gonna win that bet without some help. If ya can help me with the bet, without any stealin' or law-breakin', Ah'll pay ya double what ya asked for, ya have mah word." I daresay, I could grow to like this stallion.

I nodded again, then squeezed my eyes shut tightly as I threw the capsule Doctor Whoof had given me right at the red pony's hooves. The resulting flash was intense, even with my eyes closed, and I heard Big Mac whinny in surprise. I spread my wings and disappeared into the night long before his vision began to return.

* * *

><p>I woke up an hour before sunrise, feeling rested for once. A relatively uneventful night for Garnet, and no nightmares for Ditzy Doo, meant that I actually got a decent amount of sleep. Better still, it was Saturday, which meant Dinky would be sleeping in and I didn't need to worry about getting her ready for school. <em>And<em> my fridge was full of Carrot Top's food. Sure, I still had the ridiculously hot necklaces on hand, but I had a solid lead on how to get rid of them.

Point is, it was shaping up to be one of the best mornings I'd had in a long while.

I spent an indulgently long time in the bath, combing the tangles and dirt out of my mane for the first time in over a week and just generally enjoying the water. I'd nearly forgotten the light grey shade of my own coat, and felt much closer to my own age when I saw how it shined when clean. Still a decade or two left before I had to worry about my coat going dull, thank goodness.

I found that I was actually excited about the prospect of a relaxed breakfast, to the point that I was nearly unable to actually relax. One bite of carrot-cucumber muffin, however, quickly piledrived my 'unwind' button and made me melt into my chair. As I ate, I looked over one of the scrolls I had purchased from Golden Bloom, a schematic of the Dragon Snap XII, which was one of the more complicated locks in current use. Back in Manehatten, I'd cut my lockpicking teeth on the DSIV. Ponies around here seldom used such expensive locks, but I liked to keep up with what the big city folk were using, just in case.

After cleaning up the crumbs from breakfast and storing the scroll safely away, I scribbled a note for Dinky and headed off to work.

I was flying, both literally and figuratively, as I approached the Post Office. Clean, full, relaxed, and not only on time, but early? Ditzy Doo was on the ball today, for the first time in what felt like forever. I'd say it was a sign that things were finally turning around for me, but I'd rather not jinx myself. Double Stamped was visibly shocked to see me waltzing in so early and so unruffled, but he covered it quickly and gave me an approving nod.

I sorted through my day's load with an efficiency borne from practice and a lack of panicked rushing. I left on my deliveries before most of the other mailponies even arrived, shooting through the air like a grey and yellow arrow. With the way a rested me was moving, I felt like a bolt of lightning, charged with positive energy, and resolved to force myself to get a good sleep more often. I was definitely covering my route faster than I'd ever done before, which meant today's pay would be excellent.

I finished in record time, much to the Postmaster's pleasure, and returned home just as the sun finished rising. Dinky was still sleeping, so I scrapped my note. Working at the Post Office, I was privy to a free copy of the day's paper, which I always took for the same reason. I checked the headlines; nothing about the theft at the library to be found. Interesting. Big Mac had known about it, and so had those 'Cutie Mark Crusader' fillies, but the press didn't. Perhaps Twilight Sparkle was keeping it quiet so her mentor wouldn't find out. Well, that was fine with me; the fewer ponies who knew about the thief amoung them, the better.

But those were thoughts for Garnet. Today was for Ditzy and Dinky Doo. And, opening the fridge and eyeing the many ingredients Carrot Top had given me, I knew just how to start it.

"Momma?" Almost half an hour later, Dinky came stumbling into the kitchen, half asleep and dragging Ms. Sweetie by one leg. Looking at her, I had a sudden jolt of déjà vu and found myself gazing across a room almost twenty years long, at a tiny grey Pegasus who who couldn't walk or talk right and had only a dirty yellow doll for a friend. The little Pegasus who looked up out of her good eye with trust and love, right at me, and I realized for a horrible, nauseating moment that I was my _mother_ and I was holding a tin of muffins and-

_CRASH_

"Momma! Momma!" Ms. Sweetie lay forgotten in a heap as Dinky clung to my foreleg. About half the omelet was spread across the floor, mixed with shards and chunks of ceramic. I pushed Dinky away, using the table to pull myself up from the floor.

"Purge magnification. Effervescence." Go get washed up. We're going out. Dinky knew well enough by now to just do as I said. I retreated to my room.

The pills were supplied by Doctor Whoof, free of charge. For all the good they did me, he knew I would never waste bits that could be going towards Dinky's school fund on them. I swallowed three of them, wrapping my forelegs around myself to try and quiet the shaking until the pills kicked in. I'm a good mother. _I'm__ a__ good __mother._ I would never hurt Dinky. I wouldn't...

It was a long time before I was ready to leave the safety of my room.

Dinky was still in the bath. I knew she was purposely taking a long time to give me a chance to collect myself. She's a lot more perceptive than I was at her age, though I hardly set the bar very high. I cleaned up the remains of the omelet and the dish it had been in. I had liked that dish. Got it on sale for two bits. Two more bits for Garnet to make up.

* * *

><p>We went to the Sugarcube Corner for Dinky's breakfast. It was about time I started patronizing them again anyway. Legally, that is. I really wasn't up to cooking anything, or even just being in the kitchen that had suddenly become too familiar. Besides, today was Dinky and Ditzy day, we could do with a treat.<p>

Pinkamena was full of energy, as usual. She _boing_ed around the room, tending to customers with her characteristic enthusiasm. Dinky always liked Pinkamena's antics, so that was a plus.

"Well, if it isn't the Two Doo Duo!" The pink pony singsonged at us. "What can I _doooo_ for you?" Augh. From anyone else, that pun would be unbearably grating, but she managed to bring it down to just annoying. The fact that Dinky giggled at it helped lessen the impact.

"Can I have a big muffin, momma?" My little pony asked quietly. She'd never finish it by herself, but I nodded anyway.

"Okie-dokie-lokie, one super-delicious big-girl-sized muffin for Dinky Doo!" Pinkamena pulled one of the fresh muffins from behind the glass as I forked over the bits. "Anything else?" I shook my head, and she handed the muffin over to Dinky, who did her very best to hold it with her magic. It stayed aloft for all of about one second, but Dinky caught it in her hooves before it could hit the ground.

Ponyville has few Unicorns, and no magic school. I've been saving, or trying to save, up whatever bits I can to send Dinky to a summer program for young Unicorns, or to pay for one of the Unicorns in town to tutor her. Given her nature, it wasn't likely she'd ever be great at magic, but it wouldn't be for lack of available training, not if I could help it.

"By the way," Pinkamena was suddenly extremely close to us, whispering conspiratorially as her eyes darted back and forth. "Make sure to keep an eye on that muffin."

"Huh?" Dinky looked to the pastry she held, then back to the pink pony. "Why?"

"So the muffin-eating ghost doesn't get it, of course!" Well, time to go.

I quickly ushered Dinky out of the bakery, Pinkamena making ghost sounds behind us. Should have figured she'd come up with a truly insane reason for her missing muffins.

We sat at the base of the statue in town square while Dinky ate what she could manage of her muffin. She offered me the leftovers, but it would be a while before I could stomach anything even resembling muffins again. Instead, I stowed them away for later and we went for a walk.

Ponyville doesn't have much in the way of attractions, but it makes up for it in beauty. Bright flowers, green grass, clear blue skies, and even eye-catching architecture could be found all over the place. The ponies themselves could be fun to watch, as well. In the city, everypony tended to blend together into a mass of hurried, muted obliviousness. Out here, though, the ponies were more leisurely, bright, and distinct. I let out a contented sigh; days like this reminded me why I moved out here in the first place.

"Apples here!" Ah, Big Mac's sisters had their usual stall set up, the pair cheerfully calling out to passersby. "Fresh apples straight from Sweet Apple Acres, bucked just this mornin'!" The youngest seemed especially into it, Applejack countering her wild abandon with a self-assured ease. They did a double take when they saw me.

"Ah, ma'am!" Applejack waved me over, and I warily complied. Before I knew what she wanted, she had given me a small bag of apples. "On the house," She assured me. "For, uh, yesterday."

"Thank you." Dinky immediately acted as my voice, pressed shyly against my side. Applejack noticed her for what seemed to be the first time.

"Well, yer mightily welcome, sugarcube." The apple farmer returned sweetly, smiling down at Dinky. She turned back to me. "Uh, no hard feel'ins, Ah hope?"

I smiled and shook my head, which she thankfully took the right way.

"Hear that, Applebloom?" She called to her sister. "This nice pony is willin' ta forgive an' forget, so get on over here and show her that you are too." Applebloom dutifully, if not a bit reluctantly, trotted over.

"Sorry we said you was a thief." She avoided looking anywhere near me. "We shouldn't 'a jumped ta considerations."

"Conclusions." Applejack corrected flatly.

"Conclusions." The yellow filly parroted. Dinky looked up to me for a moment, and I nodded.

"It's ok." Dinky responded. "I'm not mad at you." Applebloom's eyes went wide as her gaze whipped towards us, surprised by 'my' tiny voice. It was just a bit adorable.

"O-oh." She blinked when she saw Dinky. "Hey, Ah know you! Yer in the kinnergarten class at school. I saw yer momma drop you off yesterday." At Dinky's owlish blinking, the farm pony continued. "Ah'm Applebloom!"

"...Dinky..." My foal mumbled, a little intimidated by Applebloom's loud persona. The yellow pony seemed not to mind.

"So, how come yer a Unicorn but yer momma's a Pega-"

"Applebloom!" Applejack cut her off with a shout that was half angry and half surprised. There was a moment of awkward silence as she looked back and forth between her little sister and myself, unsure of what to say.

"What? Ah was just wonderin', is all."

"Just," Applejack let out a sharp sigh. "Why don't ya mind the stall for a few minutes." Applebloom opened her mouth. "Go on, now!"

Dinky was looking pretty confused herself, as this was something that had never been brought up before. As far as she knew, it was perfectly natural for a Pegasus to have a Unicorn foal. Up until this moment, she'd never questioned why she was the only one who didn't match her mother's breed. Whatever Applejack had to say now, I didn't want Dinky to hear it. I gave her a nudge, and a sharp jerk of my head, and sent her to stand with Applebloom. Not the best choice, but better than her sister.

I turned and walked away from the stall, Applejack following instantly.

"Ah am _so_ sorry." She said as soon as we were out of earshot of the little ponies. "She didn't mean anything by it, honest. She jus' don't know any better."

Yeah, that much was obvious. Still, I was mad. Very much so. There were some conversations I'd never wanted my daughter to need to have. This was the whole reason I'd left the city in the first place! I'd wanted Dinky to never once worry about who and what she was, to go through life without any doubts about her worth. From the way Applejack was cringing, I knew my anger was plain to see on my face.

"Look, Ah know that it ain't my place ta say, but maybe this isn't entirely bad." She offered. I glared. "Ah mean, maybe this way you can explain it to her in a good way. Ain't no better place for it than here in Ponyville. Folks out here don't care about your blood, they care about your heart." She did have a point there. In the city, the matter was black and white: Crossbreeds and crossbreeders were freaks of nature. Out here, it was just as black and white, but with different values. Like she'd said, it was about your heart, not your blood.

I was still mad. But, Applejack was right. And Dinky would have started asking questions eventually. Maybe I could make sure she got the right answers ahead of time. I sighed slowly, and attempted to give Applejack a smile. Though I failed miserably, she returned it anyway.

"It'll be ok." She promised. "And if'n it isn't, the Apple clan will have your back." Slowly, I held out a hoof.

"Ditzy Doo." I managed, with only minor difficulty.

"Applejack." The Earth Pony reached up and tapped her hoof to mine. "Pleasure ta make your acquaintance."

Applejack, I decided, was not such a bad pony. Shame I had to make sure she lost the bet with her brother.

* * *

><p>(Why yes, this story does consider 'Bubbles' to be canon, how did you guess? )<p> 


	3. Chapter 3

Doctor Whooves - There is a story about a young Derpy on Equestria Daily, called Bubbles. It's basically canon for this story. As for rape - No. I find it quite overused and distasteful as a story device. **  
><strong>

DreadedCandiru2 - At this point, I very much doubt she does. Garret certainly never did, after all.

**3**

Steel!

By the fires of faith, melt raw ore!

Into the mold, life is poured!

Tempered and struck, upon the forge!

By Celestia, be reborn!

-Induction Chant of the Celestian Order (Excerpt)

* * *

><p>We are unbreakable. We are unyielding. The fires of trial have scoured away our impurities. The light of Celestia illuminates our path. We will not be harmed by the chaos that surrounds. We will not bend to the demands of the undisciplined.<p>

By Celestia's might, the sun is raised each day. As Her labors bring light to all, so too do our labors bring light to Her. The discipline of the cycle of day is the discipline we seek to embrace. Each day the sun is raised, each day we perform the duties laid before us. If She were to shirk Her duties, Equestria would fall to chaos. If we shirk our duties, all that depends upon us falls to chaos. We will not allow this.

The sun comes up in the morning, and sets at night. The sun does not blink out during the day, plunging the world into darkness. The sun does not suddenly appear at night, waking ponies from their sleep. The sun follows its path without deviation. So too must we steadfastly hold to our path. As rules govern the sun, rules govern us. They do not bind, or restrict. They give strength, and direction. Ponies' hearts may become confused, but rules save them from the path of chaos. We will adhere to the rules.

Chaos is the enemy. Order is our strength.

We are Celestian. We are unbreakable.

* * *

><p>Much to my surprise, the girls were getting along swimmingly when we returned to the stall. The Earth Pony was enthusiastically showing my little Unicorn how to hawk apples to the passersby, Dinky doing her best to imitate the sales pitch. She couldn't muster up half of Applebloom's volume or enthusiasm, but she more than made up for it in cuteness, if I do say so myself.<p>

"Apples fer sale." She politely informed a Pegasus. I put a hoof over my mouth; _she was even doing the accent!_ "Grown in Sweet Apple Acres." All my lingering anger completely melted as I watched her, a mix of pride and amusement welling in my chest.

"Well, aren't you precious?" The Pegasus cooed. "Of course I'll buy one of your apples." Applebloom flashed Dinky a huge grin and a hoofs up as the customer exchanged a few bits for a shiny red delicious.

"Thank you kindly." Celestia as my witness, my daughter could conquer Equestria with that kind of weaponized adorability.

"All right!" Applebloom cheered once the Pegasus had left. "Yer first sale!" I could tell that Dinky didn't quite grasp the significance the yellow filly placed on the sale, but she was thrilled nonetheless. She looked to the bits she held for a moment, before holding them out to Applebloom.

"Hold on, now." Applejack and I walked over as the farmer caught the fillies' attention. "That there's your _first sale_; those bits are all yours." I shot her a look, surprised at her generosity and slightly suspicious that she might still be trying to butter me up. She pointedly kept her gaze away from me, but it was quite apparent that the Element of Honesty had no poker face.

Dinky, at least, noticed none of this. She looked slowly between the bits and the two Apple sisters, trying one more time to give away the bits. The Earth Ponies would have none of it, however, resolutely refusing the money. Dinky understood what money was, to as much of an extent one would expect a young filly to, but the concept of actually having some herself was foreign to her. At a loss for what to do with the bits, she held them out to me, and I placed them in my bag. I'd put them in a bit box for her when we got home.

Or, as it turned out, when _I_ got home. I caught the lingering look Dinky gave the stall as we were about to leave and made that disproportionately heart-wrenching decision that all mothers have to make. I gave Applejack a questioning look, nodding between her and Dinky. A part of me was disappointed when she smiled and nodded back. This was supposed to be Dinky and Ditzy day, but it wasn't often that my little pony managed to make a friend...

I looked at Dinky and jerked my head towards the Apple sisters. Stay here, have fun with your friend. Dinky looked torn for a moment, wanting to be with her new friends but not wanting to abandon me. When I gave her an encouraging nod and a kiss on the head, however, she trotted over.

"Don't ya worry none, Ditzy." Applejack assured me. "We'll watch after her like she's one of our own." I had no doubt of that. The Apples are good ponies. Dinky will have lots of fun with them. And it's just for a little while.

I held in my sigh until I had turned the corner, out of sight.

With my day suddenly freed up, I decided to take care of something that I needed to do if I wanted Macintosh to win the bet. Which I did. I made a quick stop at home to stash away Dinky's bits, the apples, and the leftover muffin, as well as pick up a few things I needed for the task ahead. Before I left, I took a few deep breaths to steel my nerves.

Time for a trip to Fluttershy's house.

* * *

><p>Fluttershy's cozy cottage was, as always, nothing short of picturesque. Aside from all the animals running and flying and hopping and skittering about, it reminded me a bit of a larger, better decorated version of my and Dinky's house. I took a moment to make sure I had all of my emotions in check, then knocked.<p>

Now, I like Fluttershy. In fact, you'd be hard pressed to find anypony who doesn't. Not only is she beautiful, graceful, polite, and intelligent, but she's also the living embodiment of the Element of Kindness. Hay, even her painful, crippling timidness manages to come across as completely endearing. And did I mention that she once stared down an angry, attacking dragon and _intimidated_ it into submission? Colts want her, mares want to be her, yadda yadda yadda.

But I _hate_ interacting with her. There, I said it. Cue the angry letters. If she would just do that thing where she bashfully mumbles and cringes away while talking, I'd be fine with that. However, she's got that kindness thing going on and, probably due to the fact that she thinks I'm mute, she's always got it leveled right at me. For some, that's a dream come true, but not for me. I have enough reminders of the past as it is.

"Oh, um, hello?" She greeted as she opened the door, hiding most of her body behind it. Her quiet, timid voice took on a layer of 'oh, you poor thing' when she realized who it was. "Oh! Ditzy, what a surprise. Is there anything I can do for you?" It was a tone none too dissimilar to the one she uses when talking to her precious animals.

I was careful to keep my expression neutrally positive as I shrugged.

"Oh, of course." She said, guessing at my meaning. "It _is_ nice to just visit sometimes." She stepped back from the door to let me in. "And it _has_ been a while since we last got together. Not that I purposely avoided visiting you, I mean. I've just been so busy with the critters lately. Something in the forest has been frightening the poor little babies." Come to think of it, there did seem to be a few more animals running about outside than usual. And inside, as I found upon entering.

The interior of Fluttershy's home was just as cozy and lovely as the outside, despite the clutter that came from all the animal care products that rested on nearly every surface. I took a seat on her fainting couch as she walked into the kitchen to put the kettle on. A small family of mice peered at me from their hole in the wall, though they retreated when I peered back at them.

"I haven't seen them so worked up since that cockatrice was slithering around." She told me softly as she sat at the other end of the couch. "I hope it's nothing too scary..." There was a brief moment of silence, before she abruptly changed subjects. "Angelbunny has been doing much better about eating properly. I'm oh so glad." She told me. This was usually how my visits to Fluttershy went. Maybe it's the Kindness thing, maybe it's the mute thing, but, somewhere along the line, the yellow Pegasus had decided that I made a good personal therapist. I don't mind too much; I do keep showing up, after all. Princess knows she'd become (more of) a nervous wreck if she didn't get a chance to vent to somepony.

I quirked an eyebrow to show I was listening.

"I was worried before that he wouldn't grow up to be big and strong because he wasn't eating his carrots," She explained. "But we found out that he really likes cabbage, so I've been mixing them together and he's been eating it all up. Now, I have more time to focus on taking care of the baby ducklings that hatched this Spring. I think they're almost ready to swim on their own." She chatted like this for a while, telling me about the day-to-day happenings with the animals and catching me up on anything I missed since our last, ah, 'session'. Luckily, I got a bit of a break as the kettle whistled.

"Oh!" She cringed, obviously startled by the sudden sound. Even in her own home, she was afraid of every little thing. "The tea! Excuse me, please." She hopped off the couch and went back into the kitchen.

I took this brief reprieve to take stock of my emotions and attempt to make myself stop thinking in Fluttershy's voice. As I mentioned, I hate interacting with Fluttershy. Usually. Perhaps it was because I was still feeling a bit lonely with Dinky at the Apples', but I didn't really mind Fluttershy's too-kind voice today. It certainly wasn't making me feel indignant or bitter like it usually did, and I was feeling much more patient with letting her ramble on, as well. So, at least my emotions were well in check. No dice on making her voice stop in my thoughts, though.

"I thought we might try a new tea today." Fluttershy returned with a tray holding the kettle and two teacups. "Um, if that's ok?"

I nodded to show that it was, and she set the tray on the table.

"Oh, good." She sighed in relief. "My good friend Twilight gave me this tea." She explained as she poured. "She got it from Zecora." Twilight Sparkle knew the Zebra of Everfree Forest? Interesting. "It's supposed to help with stress. It was so thoughtful of her to give me some of it." There was a slight lull as we each tried the tea. It was a very baritone taste, with an undercurrent of spice. Like an oboe playing salsa music. Not bad, really. Fluttershy looked to be enjoying it. "Um, what do you think?" She asked.

I smiled for her, holding up my teacup. She seemed pleased by this, smiling back and going back to savoring her own tea. This seemed like a good opportunity, so I put down my tea and pulled the letter from my bag. It was in a plain white envelope, the words 'To Fluttershy' written on the front.

"Oh, is this for me?" The Pegasus took the letter from me delicately. "Did somepony try to mail this without a stamp?"

I nodded.

"And there's no return address, so you decided to bring it to me personally." She concluded. "That's very nice of you."

I waved off the compliment and motioned for her to read it.

"Dear Fluttershy," She read aloud, for my benefit. Of course, I already knew what it said, but she didn't know that. "I am writing to you because I am one of your biggest fans." She paused, both flattered and apprehensive. I knew that she didn't remember her modeling career with much fondness, and the fan mail she'd received was as often creepy as it was innocent. "I'm normally a very shy pony, but my dream is to become a model like you. I've heard that you are very shy too. I was wondering if you had any advice for me, like maybe how to overcome my stage fright? I would be very grateful for anything you could teach me. Sincerely, oh, um..." She squinted. "It's smudged, I can't read the name. There's more: P.S. Do you know where I could buy a hairclip like the one you wore in Elegant Equestrians magazine? If I had one like that, I'm sure my confidence would be better." She blinked at the paper. "Oh my."

And thus, my evil plan was set into motion. Fluttershy, being Fluttershy, felt obligated to write a reply, which I only bothered to peek at. About half the page was the word 'sorry', surprise surprise. Of course, the letter wasn't my real target anyway. For Macintosh to win the bet, he had to get that hairclip, which meant _I_ had to get the hairclip to him if I wanted paid. Applejack probably hadn't even considered the idea that he could get at it without directly asking for it, but she hadn't been expecting me.

You see, that particular hairclip was one of a kind, made specifically for Fluttershy to wear at that photo shoot. Applejack chose it for that very reason. They didn't make replicas and Fluttershy still had the original, which made it a very valuable collectors item. I'd briefly entertained the idea of swiping it from Macintosh after he paid me, but I really didn't want him informing the authorities about me.

At any rate, the uniqueness of the bauble meant that Fluttershy would have two options: Give away her hairclip to some fan she didn't even know the name of, or disappoint somepony she'd never met. By now, you should be able to figure out which she chose with only minimal coaxing from me. Of course, as we had no name or return address, I offered to take the letter and hairclip back to the Post Office for her in case the nameless fan returned.

So, as I left Fluttershy's house, I'd not only managed to have her give me an expensive, rare accessory, but gotten her to thank me for taking it in the process. In addition to that, neither she nor Macintosh would have any inkling of the connection between Ditzy Doo and Garnet, even if the stallion went around playing detective. _And_ I did it all with any sneaking and or breaking and entering. A perfectly legal theft, where the thief meets with everypony and is identified by nopony.

Why yes, I really am _that_ good.

* * *

><p>It was nearing lunchtime when I returned for Dinky, as my stomach insistently reminded me. I hadn't eaten since my pre-sunrise breakfast, so I was quickly becoming quite peckish. Dinky, growing filly as she was, was likely starving by now, especially having spent all morning surrounded by food. The Apple sisters were showing Dinky how they packed up the stall each day when I walked up, much to her wide-eyed delight.<p>

"And ya just fold up this here panel and yer ready to go." Applejack demonstrated, then noticed me. "Hey there, Ditzy! Y'all are just in time."

"Momma!" I was perhaps a bit more pleased than I had call to be when Dinky galloped over to hug me, but what can I say? A hug from my little pony is something that simply will not ever get old. Besides, she was happy, so I was happy. "I did good." She informed me softly.

"Good?" Applebloom scoffed, throwing her whole body into the motion. "More like awesome! Y'all ought ta have a apple-sellin' cutie mark!"

"Ah gotta admit," the elder Apple sister added with a chuckle. "We ain't had a mornin' like this in a long while; your daughter has got a serious talent for makin' folks wanna give her their money." I grinned with more than a hint of motherly pride. Like I said before, my girl could conquer Equestria.

"You should help us sell apples _every_ day!" Applebloom continued with what I was quickly realizing was her usual enthusiasm. Dinky looked intrigued by the idea, but I wasn't quite ready to give her up on a daily basis just yet. Having her at school five days a week was already enough for now, thank you.

"Let's not put the cart before the horse, now." Applejack gave her sister a nudge. "This here's the family business, after all. It's our responsibility to sell these apples, and it's ok to have a friend help out once in a while, but we shouldn't be puttin' any pressure on others to do our jobs for us."

"Ah didn't mean it like _that_!" Applebloom rolled her eyes, stomping once. "Ah just think it was fun havin' someone else at the booth with us, is all." Applejack seemed to consider this.

"Well, you're right about that." The elder sister agreed. "Havin' Dinky along _did_ make the time go faster than usual." At that moment, there was a loud gurgling from her stomach. She glanced down, than gave an embarrassed laugh. "Speakin' a' time, Ah'd say it's about eatin' time!" She looked to me and my daughter. "How about you two join us back at Sweet Apple Acres for a bite? It's only fair what with how Dinky's been helpin' us all mornin'."

Ah. Dilemma. On one hoof, Dinky was undoubtedly thrilled with this offer, gazing up at me with big, hopeful eyes. On the other, Big Macintosh was sure to be there. I really didn't like the prospect of meeting him outside of the shadows; the odds of him identifying me as Garnet were low, but not zero. But, back on the first hoof, _free food._

I nodded.

Sweet Apple Acres was actually quite pretty in the light. Standing on the hill overlooking the orchard, the whole thing looked much like a rolling ocean of green, red, and yellow. Only the small clump of buildings in the center and a bit of uncultivated ground in the northern field broke the image. The smell of apples and leaves and rich dirt permeated the air, bringing me back to simpler times. Happy times, even. Exploring the field by our house with Ms. Sweetie, sitting out with my father and watching the sunset...

For a moment, I wondered if things would have been different had I been born an Earth Pony. A Pegasus who can't fly or walk on cloud is no Pegasus at all, hardly worth keeping alive. An Earth Pony can get by with nothing but a strong kick. They don't need to worry about walking straight or talking straight. Even the stupid ones are worth something, so long as they can kick or carry. Of course, I couldn't do either of those back then, either. I guess nothing would have been different. Not surprising.

Well, there would be _one_ important difference. I looked over to Dinky, who was raptly listening to Applebloom boast about the farm. Regardless of what I may or may not be worth, my daughter was more valuable to me than any and everything. I'd go through it all a hundred times over if I had to, so long as it meant I'd end up with Dinky.

"Y'all are lookin' mighty thoughtful there, Ditzy." Applejack, perhaps ironically, broke my introspection. "Ya thinkin' about how to talk to Dinky about... well, ya know?" She asked quietly, so as not to be overheard by the little ponies.

Rather than even attempt to explain my musings, I shrugged, looking back out over the orchard.

"Well, Ah might not be a thoughtful sort, myself," She admitted. "But, Ah do know that thinkin' on an empty stomach is a fast track ta frustration." The mare had a point. "Besides, if ya just speak honestly, from the heart, Ah know everything'll work out." Possibly even two points. I gave her a nod to show the advice was appreciated.

"Hey, are y'all gonna jus' stand around flappin' yer gums," Applebloom interjected impatiently from ahead. "Or are we gonna get some chow?" Dinky, standing beside her, seemed torn between amazement at the other filly's brazenness and amusement at her word choice.

"Alright, alright." Applejack rolled her eyes. "Show our guests to the house, would ya? Ah'm gonna go put the cart away and find Macintosh." She started off down a side path, at the end of which looked to be a small storage shed. "Ah'll only be gone a few minutes." She assured me.

"Yeah, yeah, Ah got it!" Applebloom mirrored her sister's eye roll.

"And _you_ make sure ta wash up!" The elder sister shot over her shoulder. "Ah ain't havin' dirty hooves at mah table!"

"Jus' get on outta here already, ya fusspot." Applebloom muttered in annoyance, causing Dinky to stifle a giggle.

"Ah heard that!"

* * *

><p>"So, what, ya think ya can have those stumps pulled out by the end 'a tomorrow?" Applejack's voice floated into the dining room, where Dinky, Applebloom, and I sat.<p>

"Eeeyup." Despite the fact that he'd probably been working since sunrise, Big Macintosh's voice was as laid-back as ever, without a hint of weariness.

"Good, come Monday Ah wanna get that field tilled and ready fer the saplings in the nurs'ry. And don't track any mud in the house, ya hear?"

"Eeeyup."

Applejack walked in, then, her ankles still a touch wet from the washing she'd apparently just given her hooves. She took in the sight of us at the table, then frowned.

"Where's Granny Smith?" She gave Applebloom a pointed look.

"Ah ain't inneruptin' her nap!" The filly protested. "She's on'ry when she wakes up!" The elder sister seemed to consider this for a moment, then nodded in agreement.

"Alright then. Big Macintosh'll be with us just as soon as he cleans himself up. Ah'll go ahead and get the food."

As she turned to do just that, and Applebloom proceeded to dominate Dinky's attention by extolling the virtues of farm cooking, I cast my first critical look about the room. Entrances and exits , I'd already spied, just in case. As a thief, avenues of escape are always the first thing I look for when I go anywhere. Second thing I look for is spying eyes and guards, which, of course, there were none here but the obvious. Third, valuables. I didn't plan on robbing the Apples, mind you, but force of habit made me keep an eye out regardless. Besides, you can tell a lot about ponies by what they consider valuable.

Our hosts didn't seem to have much in plain sight that had any material worth to it, but the pictures on the walls and homemade decorations spoke of what they truly cared about. I noticed that, amoung the various snapshots of the sisters, Big Mac, and an old mare I assumed to be Granny Smith, there was not a single one of the parents of the household. Interesting.

"Soup's on!" Applejack reentered the room set down the serving bowl she was carrying on the table. "Now, if y'all have never had good 'ol down on the farm cookin', you're in for a treat." She began spooning small amounts of the contents of the bowl onto our plates as she talked. I've had quite a few kinds of food over the years, from hospital gruel to (stolen) upper-crust candied oats. This odd 'treat' before me was, however, something new to me. It looked like the farm pony had somehow taken multiple apple skins and merged them into one long sheet, which she had then made into little pouches. "This here's an old Apple clan recipe. Granny Smith ate Apple Crunches when she was young, just like her granny, and just like _her_ granny. And you know why?"

"Cuz they're so darn good!" Applebloom answered, holding up her plate eagerly.

"That's right." The elder sister nodded as she served the younger, smiling with pride. "Go ahead," She turned to me expectantly. "Try one." It sounded slightly as though she were challenging me to find them less than amazingly delicious. Dinky and Applebloom turned to watch me as well, the former wanting reassurance that this strange new food was edible. With a shrug, a tried one.

The Princess herself had never tasted anything so good. Hyperbole? Probably, but it certainly didn't taste like it. Inside the pouch, there was applesauce, which was a delightful surprise. The Apple Crunch was warm and crisp on the outside, cool and sweetly smooth on the inside. I suspected, by merit of the treats being far too tasty, that these were usually a dessert and not an appetizer. Not that I was complaining. In fact, I very much wanted the recipe. I'm no master chef, but I could certainly work to get this one pinned down.

"Don't even think about it." Applejack caught my line of thought with a grin; I must have looked as pleased with the Crunches as I felt. "This recipe stays with the Apples."

I gave her a wry grin in response. I'd have been sorely tempted to steal it if I didn't suspect that the only copy existed in Applejack's head. I've never stolen thoughts before, it sounded like a good challenge. If I could only figure out how...

"Now just a minute there." The farm pony picked up on my scheming, though her grin told me she had not clue as to the exact nature of it. "Ah know what you're thinkin'." She sat in her seat and pointed a playfully accusing hoof at me.

I gave her an innocent, wide-eyed shrug and shook my head. This should be good.

"Uh-huh." She snorted disbelievingly. "You're thinkin', say that Applejack's got a brother, don't she? And he's single, ain't he? Well, you just forget about it, Ditzy Doo. We've had enough recipe-based marriages 'round here already." The absurdity of her accusation caught me off guard, and I had to put a hoof to my mouth to keep from laughing.

"Who's getting married?" And there was the stallion himself, plodding into the room at a leisurely pace.

"Don't do it, Big Mac!" Applebloom cried dramatically, much to his confusion. "She only wants ya fer tha rec'pe!"

"Uh..."

"Never you mind." Applejack waved a hoof, as if to clear the confusion in the air. "Just a little filly-talk. Now, come and meet our guests right properly." She gestured between us as Macintosh took his place at the table. "Big Mac, this here is Ditzy Doo." The red colt opened his mouth, presumably to offer a greeting, but paused as he looked at me. Uh oh. I froze as a thoughtful expression crossed his face.

"Don't Ah know you from somewhere?" The plan that had been simmering in the back of my head since I'd agreed to come here moved to the forefront of my mind. If I grabbed the serving bowl as I flipped the table, I could throw it through the window as I moved to get Dinky, which would allow me to get out with her before the Apples recovered. Once I was in the air, they would have no chance of catching up with us, giving me enough time to- "Don't you deliver our mail?" Oh.

I nodded and looked away to get my heartbeat under control, hoping my relief wasn't too obvious. That had been way too close for comfort. For his part, Macintosh just looked embarrassed at my apparent embarrassment. Luckily, well, for a certain degree of luck, Applejack took it for something else entirely.

"Well, not entirely recipe-based, Ah guess." She teased, before motioning to Dinky. "An' this is her daughter, Dinky." I realized then that I hadn't been paying attention to my little pony's reaction to all this. Judging from the slightly amazed, wide-eyed stare she was giving the stallion, though, I doubted she'd even heard a word that was said since he'd walked in.

"Howdy." He tipped his head at her. She squeaked in reply, her face going red, and ducked down in her seat. Slowly, she raised one hoof just above the lip of the table and waved.

"...h-howdy..." She was practically whispering, bless her. This would be her first crush, after all. The Apples were all thoroughly amused, though only Applebloom lacked enough tact to openly snicker. The elder sister turned to me.

"Runs in the family, does it?" The thought of making her lose that bet with her brother was beginning to look much more appealing. I chucked an Apple Crunch at her head.

* * *

><p>Our visit was rather pleasant, all in all. Dinky eventually recovered from her shyness, at least in part, and Macintosh didn't display any signs of recognizing me as anything beyond the mailmare. Applejack continued to tease me about my perceived infatuation with her brother throughout the meal, but it was simply lighthearted jabs and the like. I'd certainly dealt with worse over the years.<p>

I got the feeling that she really did want to find a fillyfriend for Big Mac, and I suspected the bet was her less than subtle attempt to make him interact with Fluttershy. That was likely the whole reason he couldn't win on his own, come to think of it. If he didn't talk to Fluttershy, Applejack won. If he did talk to Fluttershy, Applejack still won, or got what she wanted, at least. Clever mare.

After lunch, we bid the Apples farewell and went home. At least, that was the plan. As before, that came unraveled when it became obvious that Dinky didn't want to leave, and Applebloom wanted her new friend to stick around as well. They both pinned Applejack and me with the most pitiful, beseeching eyes they could muster, and our resolve crumbled.

So, Dinky and I hung around for a while. Just a while. An hour or two, tops. Besides, I decided, it would be educational for Dinky to see how things worked on a farm. Applebloom seemed to agree with that sentiment, as she didn't hesitate to drag Dinky all over the place, showing her what every little thing did or was used for, telling tales of adventures big and small.

I left the little ponies alone to run around, and stayed with Applejack. We conversed lightly, well, she did, as I did what little I could to help with her chores. I'm not exactly strong, especially by Earth Pony standards, so the farm work was a bit out of my venue. Still, she was a gracious host and put up with my meager attempts to buck apples and pull carts.

Eventually, we found ourselves at the northern field, supposedly because Applejack had to check on something. Personally, I think she just wanted me to get a good look at Macintosh working. I can only assume she knew he wasn't going to talk to Fluttershy for whatever reason, so she wanted to set him up with me instead, since I was already on hoof. I didn't know why she was so desperate to pair him off. Maybe she thought he was lonely.

Admittedly, it was a very nice view. Macintosh was unaware of us, straining mightily as he pulled an old stump from the ground through sheer force of strength, his muscles rippling beneath his sweat-covered red coat. There were cracks and pops as the roots slowly broke or pulled loose from the ground, making him walk forward in near slow-motion as he gained ground. The stump came free suddenly, and he pulled it a few feet before unhooking the ropes from his yoke. I got a better look at his flank than was probably appropriate as he walked around the stump and began to kick away the massive clumps of dirt that clung to the roots.

"Y'all alright there?" Applejack asked with a suggestive grin. "You're lookin' mighty red in the face." I turned to give her an annoyed glare, but something caught my eye. I pointed over her shoulder.

Not too far away, Applebloom and Dinky were mirroring our positions, though my little Unicorn seemed far too absorbed in watching Big Mac to notice Applejack and me. Applejack thought for a moment, then cleared her throat. Loudly.

"As Ah was sayin', Ditzy," She strolled into the clearing, and I followed along. "Once these stumps are outta the way, we're gonna plow this whole area and move saplings on in." She then 'noticed' her brother. "Big Mac, how we doin' on the stumps?" I stole a glance towards where the fillies had been; they had wisely skedaddled.

"The little ones are comin' up easy enough," He drawled, sounding completely rested despite the sweat coating him. "Big one'll take more time. It'll get done."

"Good, good." She nodded, then glanced at me. "It'll take a couple a days to get everything tilled, then the saplings go in. You ever planted a tree before?"

I shook my head.

"You an' Dinky oughta come on by on Wednesday, then. Ah'm sure she'll enjoy it, and it's always nice to try somethin' new, right?" I took a moment to think about it. Yes, Dinky would probably love it. She's probably love anything related to the Apple family. I might even enjoy it too. Despite her attempts at matchmaking, Applejack was nice to visit with, and her food was both free and delectable.

I nodded.

"Great!" Applejack beamed. "That's real neighborly of you, and Big Mac here will really need the help, since Ah'll be out 'a town." There was a moment of silence as I narrowed my eyes at her. She merely grinned in response. I was tempted to take my agreement to come by back, out of spite, but that would be more insulting to Macintosh than her. Which, I realized, was why she had asked just as she had. Clever mare.

Eventually, I was able to round up Dinky and we set off for home. Luckily, she was so excited and tired out from her day with the Apples that she didn't think of asking me about our differing breeds. I still wasn't sure what to tell her about that.

Dinner was light, since it was still pretty early. Just breakfast's leftover muffin, split between us. I put Dinky to bed afterward, and she was asleep before I finished saying goodnight.

I watched the sunset, softly naming all the colours that appeared, as though my father were still sitting right beside me. I was glad that Macintosh hadn't recognized me; I wouldn't have liked to go back to Manehatten. You couldn't see the colours properly there.

The sun set.

I went inside, tied down my mane, and got my tools. The Doctor arrived. Garnet went to work.


End file.
